I have been reading lots of blogs with great interest recently, some are updates and some offer knowledge or ideas. I thought I would share something with you that I have discovered recently, I hear a lot of people discussing dark thoughts, anxiety and beating themselves up over their achievements. I must admit I have never been a top-level rider, I always hoped to be and have always looked up to the very best riders. I always hoped that one day I would make it to the top, and I am sure I am not alone.
When I had my son, I was determined to get back in the saddle very quickly, maybe too quickly, I didn’t want to fall behind or have others think I had failed in some way, I was told by so many that once I had a child I would give up, I was hell bent on proving them wrong… I did prove them wrong but as I look back I often wish I had maybe just enjoyed that special time a little more! I too have suffered these dark thoughts, the idea that I am not as good as everybody else and occasionally why do I bother.
In December 2015 I injured my back, had a large bulge in my disk, it crushed the nerves and although painful it also cut off the feeling in my left leg… It was scary! I was told not to ride, not that I was very good anyway, and no yard work at all. This sparked off another bout of dark thoughts, starting a non horsey job for the first time since leaving school, having to sell the horses and facing at least a year out of the saddle… I had failed and was now wondering if I would ever get back to normal.
Now I am well over a year on, and as I have shared with you before I am well on the way back to a life with horse’s full time again.
I guess what I wanted to share with you is, everybody is different, we all earn a different wage, have a different amount of spare time, own a horse with different personality. I have been chasing acceptance and with every qualification or accreditation I thought self confidence would come, everybody has their own struggle and not everybody is living the life they post on Facebook. Just because you see a positive post on social media doesn't mean they were not nervous in the morning or stressed out the night before.
I was once told, believe in yourself and others will believe in you too… If your 10 year old self could see you now, I am sure they would be very proud.
I currently am having great fun playing with all shapes and size of horse and pony, I love problem solving and helping riders to understand their horses and work together the best I can, I hope that my new yard will be a friendly, supportive and positive place for horses and riders to grow.
Please come and visit Teri at: http://www.twequestrian.com/